Philip IV the (not so) Fair of France

 

As we saw HERE, the power of the vassals in the medieval Kingdom of France began being limited during the reign of Louis VI the Fat.

This process went on for quite a while, until, during the reign of Philip IV the Fair, the power of the vassals was limited as never before whereas that of the medieval French monarchy reached its peak, surpassing even the papacy. Philip's favourite motto was, 'Only God is above the King.'

Regarding Philip's nickname, mind you, fair in this case means beautiful, not just. For, although I don't know whether that guy was beautiful (I'm not attracted to the male gender anyway), one could say he was anything but just.

But let's take things from the top. Philip became a king in 1285. One year earlier, he had married Joan of Navarre, when he was 16 and she was 11. And even though, nowadays, that would be borderline gross and require an FBI alert, by medieval standards, they made a pretty lovely couple whose life could be a fairytale.

Unfortunately, it wasn't. You see, poor Joan died in 1305, with Philip refusing to marry again (for all his flaws, he was a devoted husband!) By that time, Philip had been engaging into various wars.

Louis IX of France: Saint or Jerk? (Judge for Yourselves!)

 

I'm not sure whether this is Louis IX, but it was the only free image I found!

Also known as Saint Louis. Yeah, a canonized monarch! 

No wonder, though. I mean, that benevolent king has a long list of good deeds. For instance...

-Cut off the tongues of those who committed blasphemy.

-Burnt Jewish books.

-French tax payers had to pay a fortune in ransom to have him released when he was captured at the Seventh Crusade (we talked about the previous Crusades HERE and HERE and HERE).

-Paid 135.000 livres (taxpayers' money!) for some thorns and sawdust, just because he believed them to be Jesuses Crown of Thorns and a part of the True Cross respectively.

Whoops! Wrong list!

Early History of the Kingdom of France

 

LAST TIME, we saw how the Kingdom of France was born. Today, let us say a few things about that state, which, essentially, still exists, except it's no longer a kingdom but rather a democracy.

So, when, in 843, at the Treaty of Verdun event, where the Carolingian Empire was divided between the sons of the deceased Louis I, Charles the Bald received the area that constituted the Kingdom of France, winds of a new beginning seemed to blow. A new beginning promising a felicitous future for everyone, an egalitarian society, peace and prosperity. NOT!

You see, in the newly founded Kingdom of France, there were a bunch of people who craved to be kings instead of the king, just as Iznogood (who was coincidentally created by French guys) craved to be caliph instead of the caliph.

We've been through this. Nobody on the planet but you reads those comic books. So stop making Iznogood references. Nobody's ever gonna get them!

Oh. Okay. But it's still sad. It's a nice series. It deserved more recognition. I mean, what do Asterix stories have that Iznogood ones don't?

For starters, plot that is not exactly the same every time.

Shut up!

Anyway, those people who wanted to be kings instead of the king were none other than the nobility. That is to say, hereditary owners of vast areas of land. Those people gathered so much power that their territories (doesn't matter whether they were called counties or duchies or whatever) essentially evolved into independent states that paid homage to His Majesty only on paper. Feudalism rules, baby!

How France Was Born

 

Ahh, France. We owe so much to that culture. 

For example, we owe croissants to the French. Croissants! Try to pronounce that word correctly. Try it again. With a French accent, please! No cheating, I can see you! If, after trying this 3-5 times, you still don't feel like eating a croissant right now, then you're not a human. You're probably an android or something! Have a doctor examine you, just in case, to make sure you're a human being.

We owe Iznogood to them.

Izno... what?

Sorry, I forgot I'm probably the only person on the planet who reads that series. Never mind!

But how did that fascinating civilization come into being?

Remember Celts? Those interesting people we extensively talked about HERE? Well, during the 6th century BC, one of those tribes, the Gauls, began inhabiting the region nowadays known as France, pestering Ionian Greek settlers who had in the meantime founded Massalia, the first organized French city.