Early History of the Kingdom of France

 

LAST TIME, we saw how the Kingdom of France was born. Today, let us say a few things about that state, which, essentially, still exists, except it's no longer a kingdom but rather a democracy.

So, when, in 843, at the Treaty of Verdun event, where the Carolingian Empire was divided between the sons of the deceased Louis I, Charles the Bald received the area that constituted the Kingdom of France, winds of a new beginning seemed to blow. A new beginning promising a felicitous future for everyone, an egalitarian society, peace and prosperity. NOT!

You see, in the newly founded Kingdom of France, there were a bunch of people who craved to be kings instead of the king, just as Iznogood (who was coincidentally created by French guys) craved to be caliph instead of the caliph.

We've been through this. Nobody on the planet but you reads those comic books. So stop making Iznogood references. Nobody's ever gonna get them!

Oh. Okay. But it's still sad. It's a nice series. It deserved more recognition. I mean, what do Asterix stories have that Iznogood ones don't?

For starters, plot that is not exactly the same every time.

Shut up!

Anyway, those people who wanted to be kings instead of the king were none other than the nobility. That is to say, hereditary owners of vast areas of land. Those people gathered so much power that their territories (doesn't matter whether they were called counties or duchies or whatever) essentially evolved into independent states that paid homage to His Majesty only on paper. Feudalism rules, baby!

To make matters worse, during the same period, France was constantly invaded by Vikings. Those guys, having eventually made themselves comfortable in France and perhaps taken a liking to croissants (do you remember how to pronounce it correctly?), even began founding settlements.

Until, in 911, Rollo, a Viking leader, after unsuccessfully trying to conquer Chartres, spoke to King Charles III the Simple and went like, 'Listen, dude, even though I cannot win a war against your much larger nation, every attempt of mine to do so costs you dearly in resources. And, since we both know that I'm too stubborn and have too much free time to ever give up the aforementioned attempts, why don't we do a deal? You will give me some land to found a duchy or something in and I'll stop bothering you.'

The King still whined. 'But it is so humiliating. I mean, I know that my actual power is limited to Paris and its surroundings, but the other noblemen at least acknowledge me, albeit just officially, as their superior.'

Rollo rolled (no pun intended) his eyes and patted the King consolingly on the shoulder. 'There there. Don't cry. I, too, will acknowledge you officially as my superior. Happy? Here, get a cookie as well. Good boy!'

And so, the Duchy of Normandy was founded in Northern France. One of the dukes of that duchy, William the Conqueror (more about him HERE), would later become the king of England, thus giving the middle finger to his 'superior' French king. Officially!

King Louis VI the Fat (reigned from 1108 to 1137), of the Capetian dynasty, was the first French monarch to limit the power of the noblemen. 

He doesn't look fat here, but, trust me, Louis the Fat was fat indeed!

 

However, his son, Louis VII, screwed it up when he divorced his wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine, in 1152. The couple had long since grown apart, having serious complaints about each other's behaviour. Louises primary complaint was the fact that Eleanor had failed to give him a male heir. Eleanor's primary complaint was the fact that her husband was, more or less, a jealous jerkface who made her wonder why she had married him in the first place. 

Soon after that divorce, Lennie married Henry, who would later become King Henry II of England (more about that story HERE). Having inherited the County of Anjou and Maine from his father and the Duchy of Normandy from his uncle and having automatically become the Duke of Aquitaine thanks to his marriage to the beautiful Eleanor, Henry found himself possessing like half the Kingdom of France while Louis found himself gaping and being like, 'WTF just happened?'

Things drastically changed a few decades later, when the two adversaries, Louis and Henry, had been succeeded by their respective sons, Philip and John. King Philip II Augustus took back all French territories except Gascony, exploiting the incompetence of King John Lackland, whose allies (commanded by Holy Roman Emperor Otto IV) he defeated in the decisive Battle of Bouvines (1214).

During Philip's reign, the Albigensian Crusade took place as well. No, this crusade has nothing to do with those the aim of which was to release the Holy Lands (we will talk about them extensively in another post). The Albigensian Crusade was initiated by Pope Innocent III (who was anything but innocent) with the aim of eliminating Catharism in Southern France.

Catharism was a heresy (though believers called themselves Good Christians; then again, I guess that all 40.000 different Christian denominations are self proclaimed Good Christianity). Those Cathars guys were like, 'You know what? Come to think of it, the God the Old Testament talks about cannot be the same person as the God the New Testament talks about. I mean, think of it. God in the Old Testament is a total douchebag, doing stuff such as committing genocides and asking Moses to stone to death people just because they had a workout on Saturday. God in the New Testament, on the other hand, though not exactly a likeable guy, seems way more passable. Therefore, there are two Gods! An evil one, who created matter, and a good one, who created spirit.' 

The crusade against the aforementioned fellows led to the enhancement of the Crown's power over the County of Toulouse.

And now, with almost the entire French nation unified under a powerful central government, a new era, an era of peace and prosperity, could begin, for real this time. NOT! Many more wars and adventures still awaited the land of croissants. But I will tell you about that another time.

Until then, become my patrons by buying my novels on Amazon (author page HERE). Also, advertise my novels/blog posts on social media.

See you next time!