Crusades & Crusaders (Part 1)

 

This article about the Crusades will be published in three parts (some people would say that it's three parts too many). Here we go.

We all have heard of the Crusaders, those stylishly armored medieval guys with a fetish for red crosses, which were embroidered usually on their shoulders.

Today, we will extensively talk about them. The Crusades were a series of campaigns organized by European Christian secular and clerical authorities during the Middle Ages. Their aim was to liberate the Holy Land, which, at that time, was territory of Islamic tribes.

During the period between 1095 and 1271, eight Crusades were organized (man, medieval nobility had a lot of free time!)

Were they successful?

Not at all. They failed miserably. In fact, not only did they fail miserably but, ironically, also paved the way for the advent of the greatest Muslim empire that ever existed: the Ottoman Empire. You see, for centuries, the Eastern Roman Empire (this is the true name of the Byzantine Empire, as much as the Greeks insist on calling it Byzantine, because they would rather die than admit that, back then, they considered themselves Romans) was a wall Muslims couldn't break through. For centuries, the E.Roman Empire was the reason Muslims couldn't expand their territory into Europe.

However, when, in 1204, during the Fourth Crusade, the Crusaders decided to forget about liberating the Holy Land and capture Constantinople instead, thus dissolving the E.Roman Empire (we will elaborate on that story in a future article), things were made a lot easier for believers of Allah, who came close to turning Europe into a Muslim continent at the Siege of Vienna (1529).

But let's take it from the top. What caused the First Crusade? 

Well, as we said, back then, the Holy Land was ruled by Muslims. Those guys would often hinder Christian pilgrimages to the places where Jesus Christ had done his stuff about 1000 years earlier. The Christians going on those pilgrimages felt even more irritated than the visitors of the websites which I flood with spam messages and threads in my attempts to sell my Amazon novels (ahem, speaking of which, don't forget to purchase my literary masterpieces; there is a link at the end of this article!)

But why did they feel the need to go on pilgrimages thousands of miles away to begin with? Were the churches near their homes closed due to COVID?

Well, not that I know of. However, back then, it was widely believed that going on such a pilgrimage was necessary for your soul's salvation. In other words, only those who had enough money to afford such a journey would be saved. (To think that they say money can't buy anything! As you can see, even Heaven can be bought!)

Anyway, in 1091, Emperor Alexius I Comnenus of the E.Roman Empire, desperate and surrounded by enemies coveting Constantinople, allegedly sent a letter to Count Robert I of Flanders, going like, 'Waah, Little Alex needs help. Mean Seljuks and Pechenegs want to take his kingdom. If Little Alex loses his kingdom, what will he play with afterward? Little Alex will die of boredom is he doesn't have a kingdom to play with. Waah, waah. Please, help Little Alex so that you save your souls. After all, you, too, believe in Jesus, though you interpret like 90% of the Bible in a different way from us Orthodox Christians. Waah, waah!'

Preparations for the First Crusade began after the Council of Clermont (1095), where Pope Urban II promised absolution to whomever participated in the campaign.

People were responsive beyond expectations.

How come?

Well, various reasons. Some common people genuinely believed that they were doing God's will this way. Others were just sick and tired of their miserable life as peasants and were like, 'Let's go on an adventure. What do we have to lose?' Of course, the motives of the nobility were not that straightforward; those people sought new lands to rule (especially those whose position in the line of succession in their respective homelands did not give them much hope).

By the time organized armies were on the way to the Holy Land, other, less organized, groups, consisting of common people, had already set off. The most well known of those groups was one led by the French priest Peter the Hermit (the People's Crusade).

 

While passing through Germany, people belonging to the aforementioned group massacred countless Jewish folks. You see, back then, Anti-Semetism was already widespread in Europe (Adolph Hitler didn't just wake up one morning and decide to exterminate the Jews because he envied them for their large dicks). Christians hated them almost as much as they hated Muslims, since they held them responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus (although that had happened 1000 years earlier and, obviously, none of the Jews alive during the First Crusade was alive during the crucifixion; yeah, that's Christian logic, baby!) So, naturally, when those participating in the People's Crusade laid eyes on the aforementioned Jews, they went like, 'Why go to the ends of Earth to slaughter bad guys, thus making Lord Jesus happy and saving our souls? There are plenty of bad guys to slaughter here, so we can earn Heaven without getting further tired!'

In the end, the group participating in the People's Crusade was massacred by Turks (Battle of Civetot, 1096) before they could reach the Holy Land. Oh well!

The more organized armies arrived soon after. They were led by Count Raymond IV of Toulouse, Prince Bohemond I of Taranto and his nephew, Tancred, Godfrey of Bouillon and his brother, Baldwin, Duke Robert II of Normandy, Count Stephen II of Blois and Count Robert II of Flanders.

Emperor Alexius convinced them to pledge allegiance to him. 

The Crusaders' armies managed to liberate a great part of the Holy Land, massacring innocent citizens when they entered the cities (especially Jerusalem), Muslims and Jews alike, men and women alike, adults and children alike (Jesus must be so proud of them!) Also, they soon forgot about their vow and gave Emperor Alexius the middle finger, though, truth be told, Alexius had betrayed them first when he decided not to help them with the siege of Antioch, believing they were fighting a losing battle.

And so, the Crusaders founded four states: The Kingdom of Jerusalem (the first king was Baldwin I), the County of Edessa (the first count was Baldwin I), the Principality of Antioch (the first prince was Bohemond I) and the County of Tripoli (the first count was Raymond IV).

For a while, everything seemed to be going well for the Crusaders. Until, in 1144, Edessa was captured by Sultan Zangi of Mosul. This caused the Second Crusade. But I'll tell you more about that another time!

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See you next time!