Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Edward VI of England: A Cutie Patootie

 

Son of Henry VIII (his story HERE) and brother of Mary I (her story HERE) and Elizabeth I (her story HERE). Have I mentioned the Tudors are a weird family?

When Little Edward was five years old, in 1543, at the Treaty of Greenwich, his father betrothed him to Mary, Queen of Scots (her story HERE), who was seven months old at that time.

When the Scottish Parliament rejected the treaty, Henry became furious and decided to invade Scotland and burn Edinburgh, so that 'God's vengeance is lightened upon them for their falsehood and disloyalty.'

(gasp) But how was that supposed to serve justice? I mean, how was what enraged Henry the fault of all those citizens that would end up homeless or dead because of that invasion?

Don't give it that much thought, fellows. Apparently, that's how God's vengeance works. Was the original sin our fault? No. And yet, he cursed all of us for what two people (Adam and Eve) did. Christian logic, baby!

Becoming a king when he was only nine years old and dying when he was only fifteen, Edward did not have much time to actually rule and become known for his decisions as a monarch. Instead, he became mostly known for being the main character in 'The Prince and the Pauper' novel by Mark Twain (legend has it that every time someone opens a copy of this book, a director in Hollywood comes up with an idea for an unoriginal film with a similar plot except it's usually about a princess) and a treatise against the papal supremacy, which he wrote in 1549, when he was only 11 years old!

The aforementioned treatise is a really interesting text, which you can find and read HERE. But, if you don't feel like reading all of it, here is the gist thereof (from Edward's POV):

Ok, Catholic guys, about that papal supremacy concept. I know that you believe that the Bishop of Rome, aka the Pope, is superior to the other bishops and is therefore entitled to full power over them, because Jesus said to St Peter, the first Bishop of Rome, 'And I tell you that you are Peter and, on this rock (because Peter means rock), I shall build my church yada yada.'

But, come on, fellows, try to read between the lines. Jesus was obviously referring to Peter's faith, not to Peter as a person. Peter himself was just an imperfect human being and therefore as inclined to screw up as any other human being, such as that time he denied Jesus thrice.

In other words, it is faith alone that justifies shitty beings like us humans. And there are other people whose faith is as strong as Peter's, but none of them should be regarded as supreme.

Of course, that doesn't mean that you should stop obeying kings as well. In the Bible, it is clearly stated that God has placed kings as his lieutenants on Earth, but it doesn't say anything of the sort about popes. Also, if you stopped obeying kings, I would have to, you know, actually work to make a living when I grow up, which is not an idea I'm really fond of.

Oh, by the way, did you know that the Pope is a partner of the Devil? Think of it. Doesn't the Book of Revelation talk at some point about a demonic beast with seven heads and an angel explains that those heads represent seven hills? Well, remind me how many hills Rome is built on. That's right: seven! Dun dun DUUUN!

Other important events that took place during Edward's reign are the Prayer Book Rebellion and Kett's Rebellion.

The causes of the Prayer Book Rebellion were, as you must have guessed, mainly religious. The Book of Common Prayer, which was published in 1549, was intended to be a good middle ground solution between Catholicism and Protestantism. However, Catholics found it too Protestant for their taste, whereas Protestants found it too Catholic for their taste (gee, those people are not so easy to please, are they?)

The main cause of Kett's Rebellion was enclosure of common grazing land by landlords.

Naturally, Edward Seymour, Duke of Somerset, the King's maternal uncle, who essentially ruled England as the Lord Protector during the first two years of Edward VI's reign, was deemed responsible by the Privy Council for the social unrest, which, on top of the costly war against Scotland, indicated the government's failure.

Seymour withdrew to the Windsor Castle, taking King Edward with him.

'Shall I interpret this as being taken hostage, uncle?' the underage boy wondered.

'Of course not, Your Majesty,' Seymour comforted him. 'I'm just using your body as a safeguard in case things go awry.'

The young king scratched his head. 'Umm, I'm pretty sure that's the definition of being held hostage,' he insisted.

Anyway, in the end, Seymour was arrested, but his nephew eventually forgave him and restored him to the Council, albeit not as the head thereof this time. However, soon, Seymour tried to scheme again and, finally, in 1552, he was executed. In his diary, King Edward was like, 'Nothing noteworthy happened today. I woke up, had breakfast, watched some porn, because I have started hitting puberty... oh, I almost forgot, the Duke of Somerset was beheaded.' (No offense, Mister Seymour, but you brought this to yourself!)

The new lord protector, John Dudley, was a more pragmatic governor, who made peace with France and Scotland and improved the state's finances, preparing the ground for the flourish of the Elizabethan era.

That's all for today, fellows. Till next time, you can become my patrons by buying my novels on Amazon (author page HERE).

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See you next time!

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